For a few years now I have watched this raven couple (I like to call them attempted murder, get it? Okay, technically a group of ravens is called an unkindness or conspiracy and a group of crows is called a murder, but whatever) make a home around my neighborhood. They are the most adorable bird couple ever. They constantly play together, floating during high winds and wrestling in our front yard. They often fly beside cars, racing them around. They LOVE to torture my dog Bosco (and our previous dog CJ) by perching on the light post outside and squawking at him and taunting him in the morning, driving him insane. These ravens were inseparable. You see one, the other was not far behind. I called them Larry and Barbara (Barb for short).
About 2 months ago I only found Larry hanging around, Barb nowhere in sight. Okay, unusual but nothing to panic about yet. Well, Larry kept showing up without Barb for weeks and I started to panic. I cannot lose Barb and Larry. They were a constant in my life and they were important to me.
I started to stress over my attempted murder couple. One could not be dead, NOPE! Scenarios started racing through my head: maybe they broke up. Maybe Barb kicked Larry out of the nest for being an asshat. Maybe Barb was visiting relatives. Obviously, this was all speculation because they are BIRDS after all!
I come back from my Aunt’s funeral, sad all around. And there’s Larry, still all by his lonesome. I had to face the facts, Barb was gone, for whatever reason.
Then, a week ago, I see Larry and Barb, AND Frank. Yup, a for real murder…conspiracy, whatever! Seriously! I know, I was shocked too. Okay, this is what I think happened. This bitch left Larry for Frank because Larry was getting a little gray and pudgy. Frank, being a half their age stud extraordinaire, swooped in. I mean, Barb is still hot for a cougar with breasts to die for. But Barb starts missing Larry and all his familiarity. He’s kind, smart, and knows what Barb likes. Frank is great too in a dense piece of man-meat sort of way.
So Barb gets this idea. Why not have the best of both worlds? I can’t even imagine how that conversation went but Larry and Frank seem to be going along with the whole threesome thing. I can tell there is some tension between them all but hey, if it works, it works.
…Or Barb is dead and those were just three other random ravens. Seriously, people, there birds. How the hell would I know? Weirdos.