I Do What I Want #33: Cats vs. Dogs

Posted April 3rd, 2017 in I Do What I Want, My Features / 20 comments

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Sometimes I just want to talk about random crap. No theme, no rules, just…whatever. That’s where I Do What I Want posts come in. This is where I…well, do whatever the hell I want. Enjoy…and be very afraid.

I’ve learned a lot since having a cat and dog at the same time. It’s been quite an eye-opening experience. Castiel and Bosco’s approach to life could not be more different. I love them both but boy can they drive me crazy. They may not be able to talk but in most situations I know what they’re saying.

 vs.

 

When taking pictures:

Dog: “Why is she making me sit? I just want to wiggle around so bad!”  vs.  Cat: “Does it look like I care?”

When it’s bath time:

Dog: “WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME!!!!”  vs.  Cat: “Oh, bitch wants to die today. Game on!”

When playing with toys:

Dog: “Oh God, please throw it, please throw it, please throw it, please throw it.  She moved! Damn, just a sneeze. Look, the ball is right here.” *puts saliva saturated ball on human’s lap*  vs.  Cat: “Here human, go fetch my ball for me.”

When it’s time to be petted:

Dog: “Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, that feels amazing. Never stop. I’m going to lay right here, on one of your body parts, so you understand that petting me is your job now, forever.”  vs.  Cat: “That feels good, human. That feels so g-okay, that’s enough. No, I only wanted a 2 second pet, idiot. Fine. Have it your way” *the unsheathing of the claws commences*

When a reprimand is in order:

Dog: “I’m going to look to the side in the hopes that I disappear. I’ll look really sad and pathetic for good measure. Then I’ll pee on the carpet tomorrow because I’ll forget I was in tourble 2 minutes from now. ”  vs.  Cat: “Bitch, please. I’ll walk on the kitchen counter any damn time I please and you’ll love every cat hair infested bite of food you consume. Now, talk to the ass as I walk away and ignore your ranting.”

When things are on tables:

Dog: “I’m so excited for no reason, so I’m going to wag the crap out of my tail with no regard to what it’s hitting.”  vs.  Cat: “Bwahahahahahahaha, she thought she could put a glass of water on the table without my permission?” *paw swipes that shit right off*

I can only assume this one – When the human dies (with only the cat and dog present):

Dog: “Noooooooo! I’ll lay right by your side forever.”  vs.  Cat: “Oooh, fresh face meat for lunch”

I Do What I Want, My Features

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20 Responses to “I Do What I Want #33: Cats vs. Dogs”

  1. Bookworm Brandee

    Thank you SO much for the early morning giggle, Jennifer! And you’re so right – we always know what our dogs and cats are saying even if they can’t speak….and they’re usually saying exactly THIS! I love “talk to the ass…” Bwahahahaha! I have two cats, so….

    • Jennifer (Bad Bird Reads)

      Those cats just love to show you their butts! Seriously!

  2. kindlemom1

    We almost always had both cats and dogs growing up and while I like them both, I am definitely more a dog person than I am a cat. 😉

  3. Nathan

    This is funny post 🙂 I had a cat and a dog a few years ago, actually at first two cats and a dog. The oldest cat Clyde kept all of us in line (including us humans) (Disrespect the cat and risk losing this hand to the jaws of death). He only did that once, but I have seen what he had done to rabbits…most of us learned to obey that cat. I still miss him and he has been dead for I think over a decade now. I saw the neighbors German Shepard walk backwards at his approach. I guess we knew who was alpha? My current two cats behave kinda like dogs at times. Only dogs that can fly No food is safe. Why, if you eat or drink it, it should be good for the cats right? Because we are the same (Zack’s thinking). No other cat I have had really wanted human food. Seriously, these new cats I have will go after muffins, bread, cookies, tea…they are cats, right? At least Xena doesn’t try to use my computer as much, but she has a thing for our clothes… She is one of those cats that goes after people socks and underwear, particularly my mothers. I don’t suppose your cat helps you with the laundry?

    • Jennifer (Bad Bird Reads)

      Oh yeah, cats are always the alphas! They gotta keep their humans in check. Castiel is not much for human food but if we have a plant anywhere, it’s dead meat! Your animals sound awesome!

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