Let’s face it, we all have our evil moments. We know these feelings are wrong but that devil on your shoulder is laughing his ass off and you can’t help but giggle too. Then the angel bitch-slaps you and then you feel bad. But for that one brief moment, you embrace the evil. Let me provide you with some examples. These are the things I love (laugh at) when I am feeling evil:
- Watching someone take a shopping cart too far from the store and having the tires lock up when they pass an imaginary line because the cart has that new anti-theft technology in it. “Oh yes, keep walking, bitch, you are in for a big surprise!” Being evil never felt so good.
- When someone falls (and doesn’t really hurt themselves, I’m not that evil). I don’t know anyone who can pass up a laugh when someone falls. They just look so stupid and you know they are embarrassed but it doesn’t matter, it’s funny as frick! It’s even better when they don’t know if anyone saw it, so they look around and in your head you’re like, “Yeah, I saw you, and I am laughing at you so hard right now!” Neener neener neener.
- When the stupid people die in movies. You know the kind of characters I’m talking about. Like the big-boob blonde who hears a noise outside while home alone and decides to take a shower. I can’t help but cheer the killer on. “Come on, rip out her guts. No, stab her more, she’s too stupid to live!” Yeah, I’m evil.
- Instant karma. Like when you go to trip someone and you end up tripping yourself. Or when someone goes to push you into the pool and they fall in there instead. Or with bullying when the mean kid throws a punch and the “weak” kid side steps and punches the bully out with one swing because he knows mother-effing karate or something! I know it’s wrong to feel satisfaction from instant karma but I do. Especially when it happen to mean people.
- When little kids curse. Hey, you’re not my kid, have at it! Here, let me teach you a word or two. Bwahahaha.
- When your cat is relaxing and stretching on the edge of something and he falls. At first your like, crap I hope he’s okay, and then you realize he a freaking cat and then laugh your butt off accordingly.
- When someone gets a Whammy. An oldie but goodie. Who here ever watched Press Your Luck? I love me some old game shows.
What things do you love when your feeling a wee bit evil?
And I will leave you with this, because these are always awesome. And it’s new!