Series: The Marnie Baranuik Files #2
Publisher: Self-Published on April 30, 2013
Genres: Urban Fantasy, Adult
Source: Review Request
Add to: Goodreads
Marnie Baranuik is back, and this time, the Great White Shark of psychic investigations has “people skills” and a new assistant who seems to harbor an unhealthy curiosity about Harry, her revenant companion. Together, they’ve got a whole lot of questions that need answering. Is an ancient vampire hunting in Denver? Who is stalking Lord Dreppenstedt? How do you cure a slipper-humping bat, ditch an ogre, or give a demon king the slip? And what the hell was she thinking, swearing off cookies?
Teaming up with her sexual nemesis, Special Agent Mark Batten, and their long-suffering supervisor, Gary Chapel, Marnie discovers that vampire hunters aren’t easy to rescue, secrets don’t stay buried, and zombies sure are a pain in the ass to kill.
I LOVED Touched, the first book of the series. I gave it 5 freaking stars. How the second book, Death Rejoices could be a DNF is mind-boggling. So let me break this down for you.
It started out great! Fun, snarky Marnie was the best. I was laughing my ass off. She has that stupid hilarious sense of humor. And that lasted for the 35% of the book I read. I am not talking about spaced throughout, I’m saying that Marnie used childish and sexual humor the whole fucking time. Every sentence out of her mouth was an ill-timed joke. A girl needs a break, people! That is too much. Even during very serious situations Marnie was giving us one-liners and sarcasm and I wanted to punch her in the face 10% in.
Then there is the sexual stuff. If Marnie is not making jokes she is sucking a fat one. Okay, she’s not actually sucking a fat one, but she is thinking about sucking a fat one. You know the false saying that men think of sex every 6 seconds or something. Obviously that is impossible. Not for Marnie. That bitch thinks of nothing but sex and bad jokes. I couldn’t take this chick seriously. She was funny and horny in the first book but it was spread out and it worked. Not this time around.
Then the straw that broke the camel’s back. This is a little spoilery: Some asshole just attacked Marnie’s vampire brother and permanently disfigured him. Marnie chases after the a-hole into the woods. When she finally tackles him she…are you ready for this…she is so horny she starts humping him. Yes, you heard me right. She dry humps and sticks her boobs into the face of the man who harmed her brother not one minute ago because, “she can’t help herself.” And that’s when I threw the book across the room, or I would have if it were not an ebook. I just…I…how the hell am I suppose to get over that?
You may think, hey, at least you only read up to 35%. Yeah, well, this book is freaking 574 pages long. So I suffered through 200 pages of this drivel. I feel so violated. I kept thinking it would get better but it only got worse. Suffice it to say, I do not recommend this book.
Even though I didn’t like the book, I did want to show the potential this book had with some funny quotes:
“Look, I’m sick. It’s early. Don’t tick me off or I’ll toss your salad.” He stopped short, and I could tell he wanted to gape at me, but was too tired to bother. “Whatever could that phrase mean, my darling?” I shrugged. “Heard it in a movie once. It’s something they do to each other in prison, so it’s gotta be bad.”
“Have we met?” I asked. “Because I don’t recognize you at all.” “Then by all means, allow me to introduce myself,” Harry said, his easy playfulness returning. He stepped closer, straightening the blood-soaked black lace at his collar, backing me up with his soft, padding approach. “I am the icy push of immortality through your veins. I am the grave-wrought hand around your heart. I am the cold wind that blows up your skirt.” He crooked a brow at me. “Do you require a more tangible reminder, DaySitter?”